Dear Cool Bear,

I have been stopped writing this blog as try to forget about u. But I seems fail to do so. You are always on my mind.

Today I saw you again on 5.30 pm combat class. You wear a yellow t-shirt with a number of '11"at the back. You are standing on the right corner ( near to the mirror )and I was on the left corner which same row with u. You came in late as usual. I am thinking maybe you are still not aware that the clock at ff is 10 minutes faster. That could be the reason that you are always late. You still cool cool as usual , seldom smile.

After the class you are still as usual, take an empty glass and went to the water tank to fill up the water for drinking. You never bring any bottle of drinks, just only drink after exercise, so cool.

After the exercise I hv met u at hero. U bought two bottke of juices, in small packing.I cant see what juice it is. It seems lyche juice if i am not wrong. So happy to meet u there as this is the first time I met you somewhere besides combat class. U listen to ear phone. I guess it must be songs. U seems like to listen to songs. I am thinking what type of music u like ??

It is happy to see u again today - 9th Nov but I hv the feeling that you are not a gay and you dont like me at all. You never look at me at all and never smile to me when we face to face meet up in the class.

I still remember two weeks ago when we play combat in the class and when the track is the "girl friends" music, the instructor divided the participants into two groups and it was the first time we face to face to see each other. I smile few times when see u done the wrong movements but you always looks cool. That already can make me very happy, am I silly ?

Dear Cool Bear,

Finally you appear today in combat class.

This morning I have gym appointment with a personal trainer. So I have decided not to play combat today. But I never expect you will come today. If I know it, I will sure play for body combat. Actually when I arrive I have checked the combat class from the mirror and I did not see you. I don't know it is because I am careless which not find you in the class or you come in late.

I only see you when the class finished. So sayang ya....

Today you wear the usual white T-shirt to join the class. Your hair already long. He he.

After that I purposely go to toilet and hope that can meet you after I half way gym. Finally my 6th sense was correct. I met you and you have taken shower and going to leave. You wear black color t-shirt with blue color short jeans. The sandal is in chocolate color. You standing at the reception and asked something from the receptionist. I dont know what you all talking about. But when you see me you have no response at all and not even look at me. I have the feeling that I am not attract your attention at all. Even you like man, I don't think I am the type you like as you never look at me with different eyes.

How should I do now? Give up ?

I really don't know.....

Will you come to combat class tmr morning ? I hope so.

Dear Cool Bear,

So sad and disappointed that today you are still not appear in body combat class.

Already almost two weeks I have not seen you attend the class. What happened to you ? Busy ?Sick ?Already move house? Already no more being member ff ?

Will you come on Sunday ?

Miss you so much..... 

Dear cool bear,

 This evening you have also not attend the combat class.

I am wondering what has happended on you ? Hope you are fine.

I feel so siily to do like this . Join combat class for 4 times in weekends, just with the hope that you will come and see me. But you have not turned up.

Maybe I shd stopped being such silly. Just my time only left 5 months. I hv no confidence that I will get to know u in 5 months times.

Maybe what I can do now is to let it be natural... 

I have sick for two days. But I still attend the combat class as wish to see you. Saturday I just hope that you will come since you did not turn up on Thursday class. But you did not come.

This sunday morning ( 19th Oct ) you did not come in the morning class again. I guess nowadays you have changed to evening class. So I will play combat again by evening class. Hope can see you.

I think I am crazy. Sick still play combat so many times just because want to see you. It make me feel so hate myself. Why I can love someone like that ?

Hope you attend the class later on at 5.30 pm ya....I need to take a sleep first....sore throat and feel no energy..... 

Dear Cool Bear,

Today you have not joined the combat class again.

I pruposely not eat rice tonight even got dinner appointment  with my clients as wish to join combat class and see u. But you have absent : (

Now every thursday and sunday are my happy day as I can see u in combat class. But I never expect you did not come today. It make me no mood to play combat just now :(

Are you busy with works or have other important things on ?

I know you never notice me at all andwe hardly have chance to get to know each other as you always left the class after combat.

You will take plain water from the running machine there, then go down to changing room . I dont know what you done in changing room before take shower. But I always meet you at changing room aft you taken shower.

Will you come tmr or sunday ? I will check it out tmr....

Miss u so much....

Dear cool bear,

Finally I saw you in sunday afternoon combat class. I just tried my luck to play combat again in the afternoon even I am super tire.

My tireness all lost and I become energitic when I see you appear in the class. But you still as usual don't want to queqe, just standing in front and rush to go in like others when the doors are open. I am thnking if we are couples now, I will correct you for not doing like that, we must be polite and follow queqe and system, he he.

You seems not even look at me at all even I am standing behind you and look at you. That day you wear white shirt, looks a bit old, it was the shirt that you hv wear many times. That day finally I could see yr shoes clearly. You wear adidas sport shoes , white color and hv 3 grey lines.

U looks like a bit tire, maybe u went to disco on saturday night and thus u absent for morning class ? I am still curious to know more about you.

Will you come next sunday morning ? If you change to come to evening class, i will hv to attend 2 times combat class. Hope u can come in morning class only again. I guess u only choose the instructor as Limchange to teach in eveining class on sunday and thus u changed the class. He he.

Still miss u...cant sleep now....  

Dear Cool Bear,

So disapointed that today you did not attend teh combat class. I wear a nice blue shirt with white pants,thinking of showing you my charming apperance, ha ha..but you did not came :(

I cannot concentarte to play combat, feel lost something.

I hate myself behave like this, loving someone that not even know his name and his details.

But I also want to thanks you that you let me hv the courage to love someone again after I was deeply hurt by someone in the past. I thought I will not love someone anymore but you give me the strong feeling when the first time I see you...

I will try to attend the afternoon 5.30pm class,with the hope that you will come.

Pray to GOD and hope that you will attend the afternoon class.

Miss you... 

Finally I see you on 9th Oct Thursday in combat class.

You came in late. I was so disappointed when the class start as not see you in the class. But when the first track of combat almost finished , I saw you standing in the first raw : p

You wear red color shirt again, handsome as usual :p

When the class finished, you chat with a friend and sitting behind me. I dare not sit on the side which can see u directly. Still shy.

Finally I heard yr voice. A bit like kids voice...ha ha...but I like it. You put on yr legs on the chair, looks so manly but actually not so polite...ha ha..but I can accept all things you done.

I cannot hear clearly on what you said as the music in ff is too loud. I only can hear you keep mentioning about mobil and " ha..? " when you cannot hear what yr friend said. How nice if I can chat with you one day.

When we went to changing room, I saw u went to the other side. Not put yr things on the usual place. I got a bit sensitive and worry is it because you notice I love you and avoid to meet me by putting yr things on the other side? Maybe I think too much. 

Miss you so much but I still dare not smile to you . I feel myself is so stupid. Keep feeling to myself only. But I have the feeling that you are normal man and not like man. You also seems not pay attention on me also as I amy not attract u :(

Have to wait until sunday 12th Oct then only can see u again in combat class....

Miss you so much... 

Not see you for so 12 days already. The last date I saw you was on my birthday 27th Sept. Today is 9th Oct Thursday. Normally you will play body combat on Thursday. Will you come today ? I will purposely play combat on Thursday from now onwards. One day I can only see you for two times - Sunday morning and Thursday night combat class. So I must be join the class for these two days .

 Miss you and think of you everyday . I know I am silly . I can love you even dont know about your name and anything about you. I must be the most silly man in this world.

Hope you will come tonight....Really miss you very much......

I hope I have the courage to smile to you tonight when see you. I hope so........